Relationship Help – You Can’t Fix It

I have some family members who are making some harmful choices for them. I know the choices come from hurt, pain, and brokenness. I want so much to help them deal with their pain instead of running from it.

Sometimes I have tried to help them. Then I realized I need to let them struggle. I can’t fix it. One day when the temptation came to me once again to “help” them, I heard God say, “You can’t fix what you didn’t create.”

The wisdom of this statement hit me with a burst of insight. Of course! I didn’t create the mess. They did by their choices. Also, I didn’t raise them. I didn’t get them until they were teens.

I made plenty of mistakes, but their choices are not my fault. As I reflected on this, I heard God say, “What makes you think you can fix someone else? You can’t even fix yourself.” I burst out laughing when He said this.

What Can I Do?

  1. Pray. I can pray for them. I can continue to bring my concerns to the Lord. I can turn my worries and concerns into prayers.
  2. Focus on God’s word. I can focus on and speak the promises given for them.
  3. Obey. I can obey what God tells me to do or say to them.
  4. Let go. Let them make wrong choices. Let them struggle when they experience the consequences.
  5. Grieve. Allow myself to grieve the loss of my dreams for them.
  6. Take responsibility for myself. I can continue to take responsibility for myself and my own healing.
  7. Give to others. I can turn my focus to others who are willing to receive what I have to give.

This frees you to take charge of what you can do and to let go of what you can’t do. Sometimes this is hard to do and you have to remind yourself over and over. You may feel helpless and hopeless at times. Following these steps may be hard, but they will cause you less stress and empower you. Freedom comes when you let to allow someone you love to make mistakes and hopefully learn from them.

For additional wisdom, you may be interested in this blog post about how to allow someone to struggle to get strong.

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